Principles for Creating a Successful Blended Family

by Shauna Springer, Ph.D. and Regina Melchor-Beaupré, Psy.D.

These tips were provided in an invited presentation to the Chosen Families Adoption Group in Gainesville, Florida on Nov. 13, 2007.

(1) Prepare yourself and then your children before making any big changes that will affect each person in the family (e.g. before proceeding to blend your family).

(2) Take an honest self-inventory and establish boldly honest communication with your spouse.

(3) Commit to reasonable expectations for yourself, your spouse, and each child.

(4) Be clear and predictable about your expectations for each child.

(5) Proactively create family unity first as a couple by creating your own new set of traditions.

(6) Get yourself in the mind frame of controlling what you can, and letting go of that which you cannot.

(7) Make a decision to adhere to principles of fairness, and commit yourselves to transparency to each other as a couple in your parenting process.

(8) Get to know your child(ren) and invest time getting to know your adoptive child or spouse’s children from a former marriage.

(9) Respect each other and other parental figures by providing a united front.

(10) Remain consistent in your parenting.

(11) Keep a good sense of humor and perspective.